Amanda Delamer, MSc., PCC, CPCC
I’m guessing I’m not the only one who was in a bit of shock when it was announced that, to prevent further spread of COVID-19, schools would be closed indefinitely. A few things went through my mind: 1. We don’t have to be up as early tomorrow, so movie night it is!; 2. I don’t have to make lunches, hooray!; and 3. I’m sorry, what? And what does “indefinitely” mean? Then a sudden rush of something came over me as I realised that I will be responsible for the thing I fear most: homeschooling. Or rather, the patience that will be required to homeschool my three children. I know I have it in me, but wow, this will be a whole new experience.
I’m happy to report that after four days at home, all three children are still alive and well. Even more noteworthy, we are all thriving and smiling and laughing and processing – together.
In addition to an increase in caffeine consumption, here’s what has supported me and my family to thrive.
Listen to your inner voice
Over the years, I have become pretty good at listening to, and working with, my inner voice. It has taken a lot of practice, experimenting and learning – to trust myself and what my inner voice is saying in each moment – but I continue to experience a great deal of confidence in the choices I am making when I listen to it. And choices that leave me feeling better, more fulfilled, more satisfied and more at peace than if I hadn’t listened to my inner voice.
Whether you call it your spidey-sense, your gut, your intuition or your inner voice, we all have it. That thing that attempts to guide us in making choices that feel right for us in each moment. That leader within us that truly wants what is best for us. It doesn’t always seem black and white, what our inner voice is telling us, and that’s okay. It’s simply communicating with us all that is going on in our mind and in our heart, and what feels best for us in this moment. Trust it.
During this time of uncertainty and “new normal” I hear my inner voice saying things like “what a uniquely amazing time this is to be at home with all of my kids”, “you can create some pretty awesome activities to do with your kids”, “look at you getting outside with your kids for ‘gym’ every day, keep it up!”, and “This week, what does your schedule look like? What’s the plan? When are you with clients and when are you with the kids? Who do you need to ask for help?”, and “it’s okay to feel frustrated with the kids fighting again, what about creating a family agreement and talking to/asking the kids how we want to be and feel together?”
What is your inner voice saying to you?
Now, sometimes there may be a voice that doesn’t seem so supportive, or it’s disguising itself as being supportive. This is your saboteur, your gremlin, and while it can be something that helps us to grow (when we learn to work with it), it can create a whole lot of panic, insecurity and overwhelm. When we listen to this voice, we may find ourselves making choices that are not in line with what is most important to us.
Some clues that my saboteur, not my inner voice, is present – I hear things like “it’s impossible to schedule in clients and be home with your kids”, “Soccer is cancelled, how on earth are you going to keep up your fitness goals?!?”, or “How are we going to do this?!?!?!” Our saboteurs love coming out to play when fear is present. My saboteur usually presents itself when, if I dig deep, I’m afraid of not being good enough, not being liked, or missing out on something.
What is your saboteur saying to you?
Hint: When listening to and making choices from your inner voice, you will more often feel movement forward. When listening to your saboteur, you may often find yourself feeling stuck or overwhelmed.
Choose where you will put your focus
There are a ton of things currently out of our control, and many circumstances that are presenting themselves. No, we didn’t ask for them, but we do need to work with them.
Whether or not I can play soccer at the end of April, out of my control. Creating an exercise schedule for myself, in my control. Being able to visit my 95-year old grandmother at her assisted-living home, out of my control. Working with the staff at her residence to schedule in face-time calls with her, in my control.
What are the things within your control? What are things you have no control over? What happens if you make a plan that relates to those things you control?
It’s an uncertain time, and things are changing at a crazy pace. One week ago, schools were open, hockey and swimming lessons were on as usual, and I played two soccer games with my league. This week, nothing. I take it day by day. It helps me keep focused and allows a lot less room for anxiety.
Love and compassion
We are all processing, and we all process in our own way.
For me, I am really practicing more love and compassion at home. I notice that my kiddos are quite calm and engaged in the mornings, and then 1pm-ish comes. What on earth?!? They become different little humans. Love and compassion for me means not raising my voice with them, and instead (just as I am good at in the mornings) lowering my voice and talking calmly with them. This is all new to them too. They are processing so many feelings and thoughts, and that is sometimes going to result in a heated spat over who gets to wash their hands first.
Patience. With our family. With our colleagues. With that guy at the grocery store.
I very much appreciate that we are all experiencing these uncertain times differently, and we all have different circumstances to consider. Listen to your inner voice, focus on what is within your control, draw on love and compassion for yourself and others, and ask for help. We can do this.
Lets schedule in a sample session! You don’t have to process all that your inner voice is saying alone, lets process together. Book in for a complimentary sample session today, and discover how Coaching can support you to thrive. Call 403-452-6262 or email [email protected].
Amanda is a self-awareness and fulfillment coach. Amanda coaches and supports people in living healthy, balanced and fulfilled lives. She coaches and honours the whole person – mind, body and spirit. Her clients experience fulfillment in all parts of their lives – health, family, relationships, career, etc. – and they value and appreciate that all parts of their lives are connected, and that we all have responsibility in and for the world around us. She lives in Calgary, Alberta, Canada with her loving husband and three inspiring children.