By Amanda Delamer, MSc, CPCC, PCC
Have you experienced “the fog”. That feeling when you’re in the kitchen cutting veggies for dinner, kids around you sharing ideas for the next best lego elephant spaceship or how they just learned how to do a cross over at ringette, but you are so not in the moment because you are preoccupied with something that happened earlier in the day? That feeling when you’re in bed, wide awake, because all you can think about is a conversation you had with a colleague earlier in the day? I have and me too.
In these moments I am in the fog. My mind full of thoughts, trying to process, and not letting any part of me be present in the moment. It’s foggy, and nothing seems clear.
I have become pretty good at getting myself out of the fog quickly these days, and identifying what got me there in the first place, but it wasn’t always the case. What makes it easier for me to feel less foggy is being very connected in with my values.
Three things come to mind, and I notice help me remain present and out of the fog:
- Be clear on what you value
- Say “yes” with intention
- Say something
When we are clear on what we value, and we make choices consistently and on a daily basis that align with our values, this is when we experience the most joy and fulfillment. This is when we feel less foggy. What do you value? What does that word mean to you? Make a value string, put a few words behind the value so you are really clear on what it represents for you.
Say “yes” to those things that align with what is most important for you. This will also require you to say “no” sometimes. I know that for some of you reading this, the thought of saying “no” is making your palms sweat, but you can do this! And you might find that at times, saying “no, but here’s what I can do” is also helpful and keeps you aligned with your values. If you are asked to take on an additional task at work, or there are still emails to respond to at 4:55pm, say “yes” to leaving those things until the morning. Nobody will die, and if family, for example, is something at the top of your values list, this is you choosing to say “yes” with intention and honour what is most important for you. When we make choices on-purpose it is empowering, and feels clear. We go home ready and excited to learn how to make an elephant spaceship out of lego without an ounce of fog or guilt.
Say something. If a friend or family member, or colleague or supervisor makes a comment that you agree with or are not on board with, say something. Have a voice and honour who you are. In the boardroom, at the office, on the playground, at the rink – honour what you value and have a voice. If you don’t, there’s a good chance you may be replaying that moment in your head at midnight wondering why you didn’t saying something. When you agree or disagree, honour yourself and share what’s coming up for you.
One of the first exercises I go through with clients is mining for values, and supporting them to get clear on what it is they value. It is part of their big picture, and it connects in with every session we have. Get in touch with me, and let’s create time and space for you to process and connect deeply with what you value.
Amanda Delamer is a self-awareness and fulfillment coach. Amanda coaches and supports people in living healthy, balanced and joyful lives. She coaches and honours the whole person – mind, body and spirit. Her clients experience fulfillment in all parts of their lives – health, family, relationships, career, and beyond. They value and appreciate that all parts of their lives are connected, and that we all have responsibility in and for the world around us. She lives in Calgary, Alberta, Canada with her husband and three children.